Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Deployment Tales: Initial Feelings

I knew I wanted to do something military-related in correlation with my husband's third deployment, but I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. So I kind of came up with this on a whim - I'll post at random with whatever I want to get off my chest and share...whether it be just a rambly post like this one or a "theme" so-to-speak.

This first week of April was spent in Knoxville visiting family on leave because normally you get some kind of "vacation" prior to deployment. Then it was literally biting our nails to hear when his date was.

He found out his date and he told the kids. Matthew reacted in the way that I thought he would - he tried to act nonchalant about it and keep himself from crying and then went and hid to cry to himself. Cami had the reaction I thought she would too - completely unaffected. He switched into his multi-cam uniform on the 15th. Not the biggest fan of this because 1) it's ugly and 2) it meant he was going to be leaving soon.

I personally have had little cries here and there - especially in the week leading up to him leaving. I was still debating whether or not to go and hang out at the hangar waiting on him to leave. That for me is probably the worst part. The first deployment, the kids and I were living with his mom out of state, so we didn't go. The second deployment, we did and when Nick came back from the bathroom, the kids ran up to him yelling "Daddy!" and I lost it. I ended up having to leave shortly thereafter because I was pretty much the only person crying and after the kids did that...I was a wreck. Nick ensured me that everyone else cried when they left, but still...couldn't hold it together. Even typing it up makes me teary-eyed. It's painful to watch your kids suffer through a year without their dad. So this time around, I really didn't want to go hang out in the hangar and draw out the goodbyes for a really long time. I wanted to just say goodbye, head home, and start the deployment, so we could go ahead and get it over with.

This deployment has given me a kick in the ass to do something to kill time. Not all the battalion deployed, so a dual military couple, who has been up here nearly as long as we have, is staying stateside, and I've made another really good friend who will be here during deployment. We are excited for the summer and plan on hiking, camping, etc. Plus I have other plans that I will post about later.

We woke up at 4:45am and headed out at 5:30am. The sun was already coming up. Nick had to go with his bags into the hangar while we parked and headed in. We had to wait around for about 15 minutes because he had to check-in his carry on and some other stuff. Then Nick came up and got down on the kids' level. Matthew immediately starting crying and then I started crying. I hate seeing my little man hurt :( Once Nick got him calmed down, Matt kept talking to him and holding his face between his hands. We walked out to the car together just like last time and Matthew and I cried some more. Nick started to leave then ran back to the car to chug his travel mug of coffee. We got home around 6:20am. We ran errands later on [grocery shopping, sending out some tax stuff, etc] and Cami was so bratty. Matthew was okay.

It's been a weekish now and it's been hard. Matthew has been really emotional [crying any time you say daddy or try to talk to him about deployment] and Cami has been REALLY bratty [tantrums, attitude, etc] which is completely out of character. This has been especially taking a toll on my patience and I've yelled at them both way more than I should. I jumped right into the routine that I wanted to be in and have been doing so much stuff - and I think that has really shocked Cami, who is not used to so many errands. So I'm working on evening out everything - taking things a little slower and being more patient with both of them. It made me feel so bad when I realized how much I was ignoring how their feelings.

I think that's all my rambling brain can think of.

Oh! I made an #ArmyWifeLife board on Pinterest, so follow if you want!

hoo hoo!


Heather Fox said...

Awe man. This made me cry. So many memories, and "I don't know how I would handle it now" feelings. I like to rip the band-aid off as well, and just get it over with. The sooner it starts the sooner it ends! Hope the new schedule works out to benefit everyone.

Chantal said...

Deployments suck so bad :(

SeattleSarahSpeaks said...

:-( I'm so sorry that this deployment has been a little bit harder on the kids. I can't even imagine how it is having little ones during a deployment. I feel like a total wuss complaining when my soldier deployed and its just me! Ha! I'm rounding into the last bit of deployment, but I know I just kept myself as busy as possible, and time began to move quicker. I just hope your children(especially Cami) can adjust to all the activity more smoothly and quickly. Im no expert on deployments, but you will be so much of a stronger woman when this is all said and done...It's crazy to see that when we get near the end. It's also interesting to me that each deployment seems to be unique to the last one.
Hang tough! Lady and kick this deployment's a$$!

Caravan Sonnet said...

All of us in America are so incredibly grateful for the saceifice that you and your family are making right now. I am blown away by your courage and your ability to handle this stress. I hope this deployment goes quickly for you. May you and your family be incredibly blessed during this time.
:) Rebecca

Dara said...

I'm sorry you have to go through this. thanks for the bravery on your part and your husband's.